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well, i have been a lousy blogger. that is the subject of this post. to put it bluntly, i’ve had no desire to “blog” in cyberspace where everyone can read my mess ups and bad mood swings. to put it romantically, life has been busy, emotionally, physically, and well, spiritually too, i guess. we are traveling for christmas. i feel sporadically held together, by gift wrap and scotch tape. my mind wanders terribly and as chupp can attest, i can’t really write on a piece of paper and make sense. “i had an urge to color a picture with markers…so much for doing laundry for lunch.” i am packing tonight (we leave tomorrow) for snow. oh dear me.

i float along like a kite, content to stop tugging at my strings for a while. for a  short while.

i love the candids my sister takes of me randomly. this is my favorite; a little glimpse into my world.

love,

I am suspended in the air
My feelings dutifully cast aside as you wanted
I am trying to touch the ground with my toes
But the effort sticks the air to my skin most painfully
The art of pretending things are normal is lost to me
I can pretend I have this art
There is evidence I can do that

A hanging you say and I nod
The great event will be held and recalled
As the most insignificant in history
The air sticks to my skin more painfully
And nothing is looking around more anxiously
Than those feelings cast in the corner
Chained by duty and damn sensibility

I am suspended and floating in the air
Looking down at everyone’s gloriously busy lives
Now the those feelings are beginning to die
Without water to live in
Their dry skeletons stuck in my heart
Like I am stuck above the ground
Yet it was I, who placed the rope around my own neck.

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Dancing to the beatles. The life around me has been so bitter sweet lately, and I want to share it with you.  I started work at the pool early mornings again, and while I am getting paid again, and getting tanner (is that possible?) it is draining and upon returning home every day my voice is almost gone. I have a couple funny stories to tell however. I asked one of my kids (that I teach, not that I gave birth to) how old they thought I was. He answered after some consideration that he thought I was 37. After laughing some and saying he was a little off he guessed 35. I’m pretty sure I do not look that old…

I went to a scrumptious place called Yogurtland with my friend Tina.  If you come visit me we are going there. There is nothing bitter about that sweet friend.

I am trying to go and visit my best friend, Em, who lives in Austin sometime in August. I haven’t seen her in a year and a half, and I miss her painfully. But we stay in contact. Blessed emails, phonecalls, texts.

There was a graduation of some sort where some really unique people that have touched me (though they may not know it) finished up the year they were in Texas and went back to their homes. I know that though they are not here physically and may never come back, they will always be here in their hearts. One of those students are staying two weeks after their year was over; and they are staying in my bedroom. It is a good interesting. :)

I went to the mall, bought a dress, saw a movie, talked with my friend Elsie. I need to find a different word to describe good. Agreeable, pleasant, memorable, genuine.

Today, I went to church wearing my new dress. Had a wonderful baked chicken lunch. (be jealous of my mom’s cooking!) Best of all, was told that I was beautiful, smart, and wonderfully weird by a special person.

Off to the library!

P.S. I want to let you know that you are making me break one the ten commandments, I COVET your comments.

i’ve taken to journalling through random bursts of artistic brain sparks…that was on the back of a wedding invitation.

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I’m sorry about the title. I have no idea what to but up there.

Topic: New things

Subtopic 1: Camera! I recently bought a Sony Cybershot 9.1 megapixels 15x zoom: love. I haven’t had much time to get to know it (I work a lot) but when I do I will let you know what I name it.

Subtopic 2: Sadly, Leopold is the only fish that is still alive. He eats enough for four fish though and makes indecent smacking noises in his bowl.

Subtopic 3: Amy came home for the weekend and brought 4 awesome hilarious people with her. Cat (a january MI) is the reason for the title of the previous post and the new favorite starbucks drink. I love her.

Subtopic 4: I am going to Boston (yes, Boston!) Friday morning. It is a choir mission trip. Hence the three hour rehearsal Tuesday….I absolutley love my choir and the people and the friends and the jokes. Tons of pictures to come.

Subtopic 5: I am in a folk band called Bumbler and Puesdo the Singing Cookbook.

Note: My mind is incapable of typing fast, thinking fast, and thinking with out it being outlined in to topics and subtopics. I can think like that or in black and white or likethiswhichisstrangelyrelaxingwhenyoudon’thavetoworryaboutpuncutation.

Or in song: “You say goodbye and I say hello.”

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Out of my hand the pieces of your letter blew
Out into the dusk
I never read it
That how the song always goes
And it seems useless

The post it flew between us
The letters grew to thirteen pages long
The post faltered and faded away
The emails, the emails!
The talks full of happiness
The shine soon faded

But we knew we had something, back in the 2005’s
And the ink grew dimmer everyday
The ink, I hope stays bright!
I never know, but I kind of want to fight
For those letters in the post
The letters in the post

Now I think of you with fondness
Your name associated with the old days
Now I remember
How we used to joke about the guts spilled on the page
Why does it end like this all the time
Why does it end?
Why does it end

But we knew we had something back then
And the ink still grows dim
The ink probably won’t stay bright
I know the memories stay mine
Oh, those letters in the post

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i like to sew, but sometimes patterns are a pain in the butt and kind of depressing. my favorite kind of sewing is the kind where you only have to adjust or take in, or sew a button or two in a certain place, and viola!!

a new dress to wear to the senior banquet. i love recyling. even as much as i love thirft stores.

i made this out of an old skirt i found that belonged to my mom. i found it in the mending basket. all the dress needs is a belt to make it look like i spend a long time sewing a beautiful vintage dress when really all i did was sew a button to hold it together up top.

amen.

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(disreguard the  lips. i was sending this to a friend…)