You are currently browsing the monthly archive for April 2009.



today has been a very interesting day. i went to the chiropractor and tried a new type of therapy that did not help. i ended up leaving feeling very worse and went to the library. i decided to find a far away place to sit down and read and ended sitting in the very last row of books on the floor in the corner so i could text a friend that was having a really hard time and we ended up gripeing to eachother and being sad. the day was not good. the night had been not good. the day before had been not good.

when i got home i had a monster head ache. i tried to make some food. my friend called, and told me some bad news about student loans and money and lots of crap. i began again to feel that i could not do anything and we had more crying time. i played the piano for a while and made up a song about money. it’s silly.

i was eating the rest of my lunch. mom decided that was the best time to show me my phone bill for the month. on the list, mom had $15, amy had $15 dollars, and I, melissa, had a bill of 163 dollars.

what? what?

i was getting to the point of hilarity. mom said she’s look through the bill to see what had caused this outrageous bill. aparently i had texted waaaaaay over my limit while we had been gone on our trip. but 163 dollars?? i began to laugh, and i couldn’t stop laughing. until i fell out of my chair onto the floor. why does it always end in hilarity.

of course i’ll pay it off. i have to. its my fault. do i really have money to though? no. but i have to. i proceded to work on homework, an hour later, when the hilarity was starting to wear away.

i went to kroger with my mom and talked to my friend. it was a little bit of sunshine, even though the overall mood outside with the overhanging clouds and darkness was also sad. then i went to cleaning and hung out with christina. love her.

we drove to her house to get her car, went to tacobell to get cally dinner, and it started to rain. we ran through the rain to starbucks where we gave cally dinner and got a drink. that was bliss.

then we went home and ate dinner and played the piano for an hour and laughed and had a good time.

but 163 dollars??

its a rainy day today. there is a black umbrella in my bag.

this pastel is either entitled, chasing pavements, solitude, man in black, or something else; etc, etc, etc.

i like to call it, going to meet me.


i went to a funeral today and cried.

i went to church today and slept.

i went to a suprise birthday party and was happy.

i ate cake.

i wore black.

i tried to read and i fell asleep.

i ate icecream in my room on my bed.

i lusted.

i looked at a dead body in a casket.

i spend way to much time on the computer.

i took medicine.

i talked.

i stared at nothing.

i complained and i explained.

i called someone, i texted someone.

i wished.

i imagined hell.

i imagined heaven.

i thought about dying.

i played the piano and wrote a song.

i name the song little dorrit.

i shrugged.

i have a headache.

i fell asleep trying to read and i woke up and went to looke something up on the computer and now i am writing a post.

i need something.

something soon.

something that breathes.

and is different.




Sometime ago I met a Navajo,
In a parking lot in Tokyo,
He said everything wordlessly,
Wonderlust in my eyes he did see,
Oh yeah,
Oh oh yeah.

Those postcards I sent to Birmingham,
All the way from those windows of Amsterdam,
I copped a gram from Dappersan
Just to fall at her man in another jam,
Oh yeah,
Oh oh yeah.

It’s the same in any language,
A brother is a brother if there’s one thing I know,
It’s the same in any language,
Wherever you go.


Oooo yeah

I ran out of Jack in Tripoli,
Oh those freedom fighters they were good to me,
They asked me all about Tennessee,
And on one thing we all did agree,
Ooh yeah,
Yeah oh oh yeah.


Wherever you go,
Where are you going, to?
Oh oh no no no no,
Where are you going, to?
Where you going to?

Everything is…
Say say say say say where are you going, to?
So where are you going, to?
I say where are you going?
Hoo hoo yeah.




“Bah, bah, sir, what does it signify? A little more elbow room is all we want here. We are quiet here; we don’t get badgered here; there’s no knocker here, sir, to be hammered at by creditors and bring a man’s heart into his mouth. Nobody comes here to ask if a man’s at home, and to say he’ll stand on the door mat til he is. Nobody writes threatening letters about money to this place. It’s freedom, sir, its freedom! Elsewhere, people are restless, worried, hurried about, anxious respecting one thing, anxious respecting another. Nothing of the kind here, sir. We have done all that–we know the worst of it; we have got to the bottom, we can’t fall, and what have we found? Peace. That’s the word for it. Peace.” -Little Dorrit; p. 63


heres an overview in one picture:


living in a car.

heres how i feel in one picture: