the other day i was thinking about the word vulnerable. the context of this word is a relationship. when i was thinking of this word, i saw a certain picture in my head. i’ve found that everytime i say or think this word, this picture comes to mind. when i think of a relationship with a guy, i see myself as being the most vulnerable. a point where i open myself up so much that i am very easily hurt. my norm is not a easily hurt extremely sensitive person. i am a sensitive person, i will listen to you, i will always take myself to where you are a relate to you at that point. that is just how i am. yet i will act tough and always have a wall around that stupid place thats called a heart, where the emotions come from. and if i open up to you, and become vulnerable, it should mean something to you.

a relationship.

jesus. ok lets look to see what webster says.

1. a connection, association, or involvement.
2. an emotional or other connection between people

imagine yourself. now imagine yourself being tough for so many years. listening and liking someone, and opening up to them because you like them and you want them to know how you are in the inside. now imagine your tough self going up to this person and snuggling up close to them. your face is hiding in their shoulder, and you are leaning into them, and whether or not their arms are around you doesn’t matter. to me this is the ultimate form of vulnerability; this picture.

when i like someone, i try and picture myself in the shoes of the vulnerable person and the person i like in the shoes of the person that is the strong one.

can i see it? yes? ok, maybe this is something more than “like”

can i see it? no? ok, lets back off.

i think the worst thing is ignoring the “no” and pretending its a “yes” and giving your vulnerable self to someone that doesn’t understand their important role. like salt onto a red open sore.

thus, you become tougher, and you don’t trust your vulnerability with anyone, even if it seems right.