this post is going to be long. beware.

this morning i woke up late and it has been one of those days that you get up feeling horrible and gross and in need of a something that you don’t have and the kind of morning you don’t eat at all because you are not hungry and then later eat something really yummy for lunch, like chicken alfredo that you found in the freezer. the kind of morning where you stand in your room trying on clothes and stand in the shower putting extra soap in your hair and turning the water scaulding hot. the kind when you sit in front of the computer and stair at this weeks assignments and then stand up and walk away because you really do NOT care anymore. the kind where you almost fall asleep doing spanish and geometry on your bed with the shades up and not lights on while you actually are reading an old journal that you wrote in when you were eight. (Sunny, my hamster, is diong fien Tooday he is so cute i love him and i got in troble tooday amy is so Mean…) the kind of afternoon where you take one of the bikes in your garage and your headphones and your umbrella in case it rains and an old bag to ride to nowhere, and end up somewhere. the kind where you listen to old mixes of music people gave you to live in memories and dream about people that don’t know you exist and but you end up not really caring. the kind where you find a black furry and orange scary-looking catapillar that you decide to poke with a stick. the kind where you ride against the wind and up ahead you see two middleschoolers hugging and maybe even kiss and you laugh. the kind where you want to say to no one in particular, i’m tired of being alone, so hurry up and find me already.

this morning and afternoon, and late afternoon. the kind of morning that starts out horrible, but ends pretty decently. its because of music, friends, peachcakes and firebaby, and bikes. copy-2-of-dscf1444

(here is the picture i used for my new header: i just but the cameria on the ground on 10 sec timer[both pictures edited])


another thing (am i done rambling? no.) speaking of bikes, there are so many places i want to go riding on a bike. i miss my city bike that dad tore apart. all the bikes we have are mountain bikes. (do you like my new shoes? been wanting some like them and i found them at payless for 10 bucks. yay!)

also, this day as allowed time for some interesting thought trails to come into existence, including one that is worth sharing (maybe) about current events: the shooting of a pastor in his own church in Indiana. I had a conversation with my mom about it as follows:

“Melissa, [insert grief look here] you dad told me that yesterday a pastor was gunned down during the church service by someone.”

“Oh, [surprised look, mostly feigned. thoughts: “another pastor in Orissa or India or somewhere”] thats really sad.”

“Yes, it’s horrible.” [really sad look]

“Did you say in India?”

“No, in IndiANA.”

“Oh. Oh. [one of those you-can-see-wheels-turning moments. now, real surprise, real grief, kind of, oh wow, close to home.] Really? Wow.”

Now as i think of it…i had two totally different reactions. i take for GRANTED that people are dying in India. but if it is here at home, in the US, I am shocked. Sad. Horrified.

now that grieves me. i still have a lot to think about on this. :|

i’ll end with this quote. which has NOTHING to do with anything i’ve been talking about.

“I gave him my heart, and he took it and pinched it to death, and flung it back to me. People feel with their hearts, Ellen: and since he has destroyed mine, I have not the power to feel for him…”

Isabella to Ellen in Wuthering Heights about Heathcliff.

life is nothing but drama!!!!! (sarcasm)